Thomas O'Brien

For whoremongers, dates with strangers are par for the course. Some are stranger than others, though. I had a strange one recently.

I have spent a sizable amount of time surfing escort sites where chicas put up posts, featuring photos and descriptions of themselves and all the amazing things they will do for you if you just call and make a date with them.

As a result of my browsing, I found one lady particularly attractive. We all have our preferences, and “Daniela” matched my ideal most definitely, aside from having some tattoos I didn’t much care for. Ah, but the body underneath those tattoos was exactly what I like. She was tall, leggy, with a very slim and pronounced waist and two full, shapely and natural breasts. And addition to her attractive pictures, she went into a fair amount of detail about what she liked to do and what I could expect if I arranged a ‘date’ with her, and it all sounded just about perfect.

The pictures featured on these posts are usually quite revealing, but most will not show the girl’s face. I can understand this, as they may not want the whole world to know that they are sex workers. Nonetheless, I think most of us mongers would like to see the face that goes along with the body. For this reason, I decided to look on Facebook, to see if “Daniela” might belong and I might get a look at her face. So I nosed around and though I can’t remember exactly how, I found “Daniela.” She has a cute face and I sent her a ‘friend request,’ which she accepted.

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Money had been a bit tight with me, and I had held off on calling Daniela’s number to arrange a date. But when she sent me a Facebook chat message, we exchanged some small talk and eventually I felt pretty comfortable that she was indeed a working girl and when I asked her if she had a butterfly tattoo and she said yes, I felt comfortable arranging for her to come over to my place for a ‘date.’ I was a little surprised that she only wanted about $6 more to come visit me than her advertised price for me to visit her at her place, but that was a good thing, so we set it up.

She arrived and got out of the taxi. I was surprised at how small she was. Her ad didn’t say how tall she was, but I assumed at least 5’5″ or so. This girl was tiny. I also, man that I am, took a look at her chest and it seemed quite a bit smaller than the nude photos showed. But in any event, we went up to my apartment. We chatted a bit and in the course of the conversation, I mentioned her ad on internet. She asked me what I was talking about. She never advertised on internet! So I said I would show her, and brought up the ad. “That’s not me,” she said. I asked to see her tattoo. She slid down her pants and showed me. It was a butterfly, alright, but definitely NOT the same tattoo.

Well, THAT was a bit awkward, but she was here and she looked nice so WTF? We got undressed and did the job. She was just passable. Her body and face were nice enough but she was pretty passive and I would guess she either didn’t have much experience or perhaps just no natural ability. That happens sometimes.

When it was all over, I paid her and she thanked me and went on her way. I won’t be repeating with her. I also hope I won’t be repeating my ‘mistaken identity’ blunder in the future. But knowing me, I won’t be surprised if I do.

When it comes to sex, even countries that technically speak the same language will have specialized vocabularies regarding things sexual, and have different meanings for words that might not have any sexual connotations in another country. Since I now live in Colombia, I thought some might enjoy some of the terms I have seen used, particularly among the chicas who advertise their services on internet. If you need examples, do a google search on ‘prepagos medellin’ just for starters.

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Of course, you can use one of the online translators, and for many, if not most words, you’ll get a pretty accurate translation. ‘Pechos,’ for example, translates as ‘breasts,’ as does ‘tetas’ and ‘senos.’ But if you were to type in ‘tetona,’ for example, you would get nothing. But the ‘ona’ ending means big. You get the idea. You also won’t find ‘juegeticos’ with the translator, but it’s a variation on the word ‘jugete,’ which means ‘toy.’ A ‘jugetico’ is a little toy.

One of the funnier ones I have run across is the word ‘carita.’ Literally, this translates as ‘kingfish.’ What it means, though, is simply ‘face,’ being a variation of ‘cara.’ ‘Paisa’ and ‘paisita’ both mean a person from the northwestern area of Colombia, with ‘paisita’ usually meaning a female.

‘Morbosa’ is another word you’ll see which doesn’t really translate well. Literally, it means ‘morbid,’ but in the context of a sexual ad, it means something more like ‘nasty.’ ‘Candiente’ usually means ‘glowing, but in context means something more like ‘red-hot.’

You may see descriptions like ‘piernona’ or ‘nalgona.’ ‘Piernas’ mean ‘legs’ and ‘nalgas’ means ‘buttocks.’ The ‘ona’ ending simply means they are large, or long. Since I mentioned google earlier, the google translate (from Spanish to English) works pretty well. It’s not perfect, but computer translations have come a long way and you can at least get a fair idea of what’s being offered.

Due to the nature of THIS blog, I can’t get nearly as graphic as the advertisements on the other websites get. Some of the girls will be very explicit and raunchy, while others will present themselves as classy escorts who cater to executives and such. Don’t let that put you off. If you drive a truck they’ll still be happy to take your money.

I have been living in Spanish speaking countries for 12 years now, and I have found that there is always more to learn I certainly learned quite a bit browsing these websites. There are less pleasant ways to learn.